The Imperative Blog

As I hovered over the toilet in my Japanese supermarket, I received a call from Allan. I don't know Allan, which exponentially increases the awkwardness of a toilet conversation. Allan, I now know, is the director of a musical for which I auditioned last week. He cast me as a lead role! I am elated. I expressed this elation to him and he continued with an observation that I would be "perfect" for this role. This role is a complete freak. A nutcase. An absolutely ridiculous specimen. And I'm "perfect" for it. I'm going to beat you to the "type-casting" jokes, Devon.
This is the show about the tap dancing and sex slavery, of which I believe my character participates only in the tap dancing. I believe.

My tuba has arrived. I can make a noise on it, but I may need some basic instruction, as every note I play sounds the same. I think I have to wear an elf costume and play at holiday functions this winter or something.

Now, I rarely complain, but for the last week, they have been "renovating" the apartment directly above mine. This translates to incessant jackhammering. It's not just annoying loud--it's to the point where I should wear protective gear for my ears. I know I usually exaggerate, but this time I'm not. The reverberations cause bits of my ceiling to fall onto the floor. Also, it so happened that the day they started the jackhammering, the electricity in half of my apartment went out. Just half. Coincidence? Not likely. Susan Boyle sang on Britain's Got Talent---the H1N1 pandemic began. What I'm saying is, coincidences don't happen. I finally collected the courage to go up and confront the offenders today. It didn't go well. It was my first go at describing a lack of electricity in Cantonese, which was a rousing success, but in the end, the "master" just looked at my fuse box and tracked carcinogenic dust into my place.


One more pressing issue. Deodorant. In Hong Kong, there are two undesirable options. Spray on and roll on. I nixed the spray long ago, due to its harshness. Here's my problem with the roll-on. The way the roll-on works is that the ball rolls into the deodorizing substance, then can be applied to the appropriate area to be deodorized. However, when the deodorizing substance sinks to a level below the reach of the ball--it is necessary to do a back bend, hold the deodorant upside-down, and apply. In doing said back bend in the non-air conditioned environment of my apartment, more deodorizing substance is required. It's a vicious circle.

This is what happens when I don't have much to talk about, but am required by my Dad's indigestion and/or lack of fiber to write a blog.