I really want to live in Quarry Bay (my current 'hood) with "lady always fly away." She sent me an email:
"Hi Camber,
Are you a lady?"
Thanks, parentals, for the apparently androgynous name.
How do I answer such a question? Do I have modest and maidenly airs? How about virtues? Am I virtuous? Who decides about ladyship? I don't drink beer; that's quite ladylike. I read books, such as a lady should. I speak French, the Official Language of ladies.
However, to sleep, I wear flannel pants with my university's insignia embroidered on the leg. Strike one against ladyness. I drink a mysterious milk product from a large rectangular box. It doesn't require refrigeration and expires in 6 months. Ladies be repulsed. If there aren't any clean bowls, sometimes I eat cereal out of water glasses. Ghetto.
I will decide this via online poll. Readership, please advise.
(For the many parties interested in the German model, I have unfortunately not heard back from her. I think if I persist and send another message, it would be very unladylike)
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28 comments:
Modest: No. Remeber the pic from Amy Ya Ya? Skank.
Virtues: Does being a mediocre butler count?
Beer: To be a real lady, you need to play beer pong with wine. Not that I would know ANYTHING about that.
Books: A lady would NOT subject her father to reading tomes that increase his knowledge of profanity. Although he does seem to be amenable to the expansion of his vocabulary.
French: Also the Official Language of mimes. And accordion players. See how far you can get with that one.
Flannel pants: Gross.
Milk box: Gross.
Cereal in a water glass: Convenient, as it can just be poured directly into your mouth without the need of dirtying a spoon. Since you probably don't have a clean one of those, either.
My vote is for lady. Unless of course the boxed milk product has had some drastic altering effect on you biologically.
So far, it seems to be...
Lady: 1 (thanks for the vote of confidence, Ann)
Not a Lady: 1 (I would expect nothing less, Devon)
This appears to be a tie. And a tie is a noose, though inverted, it can still hang a man. (remember that knock-out line from LOP, Dad? I've paraphrased.)
Anyway, he meant an accessory of the neck, I mean a level score.
This is no help. Come on, readership, step it up.
My vote is "lady." You are cultured which, although not mentioned in the post, is a key factor in being a lady. You are well-educated in the following "cultural" areas:
Music
Language
Literature
Dance
Grammar
Theater
You also have an impeccable taste in fashion as evidenced by certain vinyl dresses, capes, and marker-cap purses.
If you would like, Ann can help become a wine and cheese snob which will increase your status as a lady.
Definitely a lady, and with a lethal right hook, so it would seem. Love your outlook on life.
It stands at
Lady: 3
Not a Lady: 1
However, one of the Lady votes was from The Mother, which would not stand in a court of law. Fortunately, Lady Always Fly Away is not a court of law.
I vote non-lady. Too much moxy.
The,
Dad.
The, Dad, and I are always in the minority.
Camber... I vote lady!! Cathy had a point with the cape -- only a true lady would wear one.
how did you kno it was I? I try to remain anonymous.
Lady: 4 (Mother, Ann, Cathy, Allison)
Not a Lady: 2 (The Dad and Devon)
Please, Mother, I know your comments, even if they're out-of-character and include an LOL.
Polls will close soon. Probably Feb 18, the date of proposed apartment viewing.
I'm excited about the results thus far, because I believe "One Lady Always Fly Away" wants to rent to A Lady.
Wade, where are you on this?
Too much awkward to be a true lady. Sorry Camber, but a true "lady" is refined and flowing with social graces. You are quite far from that. Don't feel bad, I'm not a real man...
My vote: not a lady.
I like this Andy fellow. And doesn't The, Dad, get a 51% vote?
You would like the Andy fellow, Devon. I know I do.
And The, Dad's 51% vote counts only in reference to voting potential suitors off the island.
Lady: 4
Not a Lady: 3
Is the "lady" always fly away a lady or not? That is the pertinent question here if indeed there is a question. Ask Eliza Dolittle.
Ask Lake Poinsett friends.
I accept democratically rendered decisions ONLY when I have 51% of the vote--i.e., weighted by merit. I therefore anticipate that I will have to reject whatever the outcome of this poll may be.
The,
Dad.
Hmmm…asked to comment by Anonymous. I sense a trap. This is because no one would mistake me for one, an expert on the qualities that make a lady or two, an individual with the requisite skill and authority to mediate such a heated debate.
Nevertheless, I will ignore my self-preservation instinct and enter the fray. I feel both sides have raised valid points, but with all due respect to Andy/Devon/The Dad, I humbly submit my vote for lady. I concede that Camber’s new found affinity for fisticuffs (i.e. slapping) is not particularly lady-like and her NYC/Hong Kong street smarts remind of Eliza Doolittle (thank you to the earlier commenter for mentioning Ms. Doolittle). Unlike the early incarnation of that Cockney minx, though, our Camber speaks intelligently while perfectly articulating an impressive vocabulary. I mean, have you ever heard her give the weather report for the plain in Spain?
Camber also has been known to dress like a proper lady. In my mind, nothing says “lady” more than high heels (as long as they aren’t made of clear plastic). For visual proof, please see a previous blog post that includes a picture of Camber performing as Eponine. (Please ignore for the moment that I may also be a lady for noticing Camber’s footwear.) Consequently, I conclude that our Camber is a lady and, may I add, very “fair.”
Wade: Thou hast almost persuaded me to be pro-lady. We need more such insightful analyses. Readers, please develop other topics upon which we can solicit his remarks.
The,
Dad.
Wade Dawg,
Your comments have elevated my spirits so high that I may spontaneously burst into song.
Lady: 5
Not a Lady: 3
Wade, you are absolutely the best commentator! Who knew what sort of writer lurked beneath all those numbers that tumble around in your head. The, Dad is correct. Your opinion is needed on other topics. No pressure.
WAIT A MINUTE!! I need to change my vote. I forgot that you once were a Rainbow Girl. THAT makes you a lady.
The,
Dad.
Your Rainbow Girling has no effect on me, other than that your dress is still hanging in my closet.
I remain firmly on the side of "Not a Lady", and only hope that Andy is less wavering in his convictions than The, Dad. The, Dad, however, may have a future in politics.
Lady! because I saw "March of the Penguins". Those ladies were awsome.
(they were willing to wait and wait and wait)
And, of course we all know your in depth knowledge of penguinism.
You are a lady ! Cause you show a great interest to strangers and are genuinely interested into meeting new people ! Which is absolutely not my case as you have witnessed in TW (frenchie frenchie) !
Not a Lady.
You are a W-O-M-A-N. (something something something about bacon and a pan..)
Ladies are meek and full of flowering ideas about painting on fine china and how to set a proper table. I saw a picture of your table at Christmas. No hand painted china, no properly poured tea, and the food served in the cooking pot? Not lady-like.
I harken back to when first we met. I believe there was some sort of awkward dance involved. Most unladylike.
I have seen photo's of a certain someone on the underground in a certain City of Lights. Funny. But Lady? Oh, not thinking so.
You go where you want, when you want. Ladylike? Non.
You do what you want, when you want. Again, not for the lady.
You exhibit no fear. You live large. You don't hold back. You, my friend, are too wonderful to be a little lady. Tell Lady Flies that you are not a Lady, but you would make a most honest and and reliable tennant.
Amen.
Love, d
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